I was working an early shift on our test date, so we both decided we would wait till the day after, as we both had the weekend off and that way we could be together and hopefully celebrate our news. I reckon we are the only couple in the history of IVF that has gone past the test date but at least we will have a definitive answer that way.
In the last few days we had bought the tests we needed, first response, as they are super sensitive and also clear blue digital and non digital…… We were ready to go.
I HATE the 2WW but I hate more the test day, the absolute sickening feeling right down in your pit of your stomach as you unwrap that damn foil round the pregnancy stick, the holding it in your urine for 5 seconds and then the 3 minute torture where you wait for your life to change forever.
We went out for dinner with friends last night, which really kept our minds off what lay ahead this morning. Last time I was an uncontrollable mess the night before, not this time, this time everything was different, sure, I hadn’t had acupuncture this time or reflexology, or taken Zita frigging West fertility supplements but I did all that last time and look where that got me! I had even made an appointment for my blood test to be done Monday morning, everything was in place.
So here I am writing to you having done our test and firstly wanting to thank every single one of you that has been in contact with me in the last 2 weeks, it has really kept me going and more importantly kept me positive. I have had messages every single day and I can’t thank you enough, you are truly amazing friends, we are both so very lucky to have you in our lives!
It didn’t work this time, I’ll not go on because all of you who read my blog when we tested negative last time will know exactly how we are feeling right now
We are battered and bruised emotionally as well as physically but we WILL be fine because we have to be and because we want to be, it’ll take a few weeks but we’ll come back from this a little bit tougher and little bit stronger. How lucky are we that IVF exists otherwise we wouldn’t even have a chance of trying to have our own baby and for that we will both be forever grateful. We may never get to hold our own little one but a least we gave it a bloody good shot! Don’t give up on us because we haven’t and we need you!??
We had a lovely evening and came home feeling fairly calm about what we had to do in a few hours
I am sitting alone, down at gate 7, writing this with the shakes and feeling a bit of a baby. Our time in Athens is done and Matt is currently in another part of the airport waiting for his flight to Italy….. Yep he will be spending the next 3 nights in the Wardorf Astoria, in the beautiful city of Rome (for work I might add) but still, one is feeling a little Jel and a little lost without my incredible supersperm man.
Also I can’t lift anything so when I went through security I looked for an able bodied male to lift my bag on to the scanning machine and the only person available was a chinaman who spoke zero english, so I’m miming that I’ve had an operation! (I find myself showing him the slitting open of my stomach and crouching over in pain) to explain…..I really don’t make life easy for myself do I? but also I don’t want anyone to think I’m too much of a diva to lift my own bag, so a stomach op seemed the next best thing.